ThE rEmNaNtS oF a TaTtErEd SoUl

i'm finally back...

i'm sorry for the long delay between posts...i was hospitalized for "a severe relapse of my depression"...

it was all because of valentine's day...which is more appropriately known as "national single's awareness day"...i was going to give the one i love a valentine but when i went to give it to her another lanyard beat me to her and gave her roses and chocolates and a really beautiful card and he made her giggle and smile...and then i looked at my own pathetic attempt at expressing my love for her and i realized i had no chance. i just couldn't compete with that! and i couldn't muster up enough courage to give her mine so i walked away knowing i'll never have her...

so see! it wasn't "a severe relapse of my depression"...doctors are so stupid...they don't know anything! i don't have depression! i have a broken heart! they say unrequited love can kill...well i'm inanimate-living proof of that!
and yes, granted, i'm still here, and i'm not actually dead...but i am on the inside...my cotton fibers are hollow...devoid of happiness...bereft...

but i don't need prozak...or zoloft...what i really need is some johnson's baby shampoo: ...see: 
finally! a remedy for all of my tears! finally! something to end all of my lonely nights that have ended in me crying myself to sleep. finally! an end to my anguish! all i need to do is get some of that! 

that is my mission! that is my quest! i must get some johnson's baby shampoo!
perhaps i could get a bottle at Devil's Den...i hope i have enough money to buy some...

...i'm so tired of being sad...

*sigh*...there's this lanyard see, another cty lanyard...she's my life, my soul, my happiness, she's perfect for me! we're like two parts of one much bitter whole, a perfect whole. but she just wants to be friends. she doesn't understand how much i need her! she doesn't understand how strong my feelings for her are! :-(

i can't get her out of my head! she's all i can ever think about!

but life hates me. i guess i'm just not supposed to be loved. i'm not worth being loved. and therefore, she'll never love me.

i'll be alone all my life. all my sad, miserable, useless life.

people think they know what i'm going through. they say they've had their hearts broken too, but they don't know. they don't know what i'm feeling. no one understands me!

she's all i want, she's all i need, my fulfillment yet, my fantasy. but i guess we were never meant to be.

i guess i was never meant to be

<\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3 <\3

ariel sharon had a stroke. they say things aren't looking too well for him.

things aren't too good for me either. but i don't get worldwide attention.

i wish i were him. at least then i'd be close to the end.

so unimportant

i got up.

why must i screw myself so?

guaranteed failure

i'm still here. unfortunately.

you'd think someone with ready access to rope-like items could do the job.

i can't. what else is new?

so here i am. with two meal credits still unused and worthless.

so worthless.

i can't handle this anymore! everything is so messed up! please make it stop! i can't stand living like this.

i'm losing touch. i'm falling out. i can't keep living like this! i'm starting to crack.

i'm sorry

i really am sorry

but i can't take it anymore

i'm going to go hang myself with....uh....myself

goodbye cruel world!

my red string tells me to just wither away.
my blue string says that there may be hope another day.
why can't this be easy?

why must every single little thing have conflict?!

so many pressures, telling me to go so many ways.

then my conscience speaks. sometimes i wish it would just stop.

sometimes i wish i could stop

don't look at my picture. i feel enough pain by it. you don't need to go down my road too.

you're one of the pretty people. be happy about it.

and let people like me

drift away

i am such a whore.
or a slut. or a bitch. or more.
look at my picture.
the epitome of the skank that I am.

why do I make myself so vulnerable?